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The Ratz Splat (Transcript)

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This is a transcript for the episode The Ratz Splat, of Baka Chan.


  • [The outside is shown, the usual morning activity can be seen. A garbage truck drives by a street. The plants are seen sparkling with the morning dew. Juno is exiting her housein her school uniform, as a butler whose face isn't seen opens a door for her.]
  • [A tiny Ku is on her shoulder]
  • Ku: [singing] Achuba-chaba-chiba, a kuba-chaba miki-miki maka-maka!
  • Juno: Hey! How'd you get so tiny?
  • Ku: Easy! I just think tiny thoughts!
  • Juno: Hm, I could keep you in my bag, but you'd probably suffocate... say, can you think bigger thoughts? Like the size of an average schoolgirl? Maybe when we get to my school.
  • Ku: Okie dokie, Smoky!
  • [The limo pulls up, and drops Juno off]
  • Juno: [puts down her bag and whispers to Ku] Ok... now, step outside and think schoolgirl-sized thoughts.
  • Ku: Ok! [she strains and grows herself taller to be about Juno's height]
  • [cut to shot of inside the schol]
  • Juno: Where'd you get that uniform?
  • Ku: In the bathroom.
  • [cut to the girls' locker room, where water from a shower can be heard]
  • Girl: Ok, now my uniform should be nice and- wah! Where is it?
  • [cut back]
  • Juno: Ku, you can't just take people's things without asking!
  • Ku: Ohh...
  • Juno: Just remember next time.
  • [A group of snooty-looking girls in garish outfits, big heads, very plump lips with shiny, shiny lipstick and heavy eyeshadow walk by. Their uniforms are obviously altered, meaning they aren't from a different school. One is dark-skinned with blonde hair, another is light skinned with auburn hair, another has a light tan and one has dark hair.]
  • Girl 1: Look, here comes that Juno freak.
  • Girl 2: She's such a loner. My gosh, it's so creepy.
  • Girl 3: Does she, like, have any friends at all? How else can she expect to intimidate people if she isn't followed around everywhere by a posse of her own? She definitely deserves to be persecuted.
  • Girl 4: Yeah, perse-mah-cuted... like that key on the kite flown by Benjamin Bratt.
  • Girl 1: Oh my gosh! She's got someone with her!
  • Girl 2: She's got cute, obviously bleached hair and a totally hot tan!
  • Girl 4: She doesn't need to be hanging out with that total freak show.
  • Girl 3: Why would she?
  • Girl 1: Let's welcome her to our school. [grins]
  • [The four mean girls lumber on their skinny legs with big feet over to Juno and Ku]
  • [Juno sees them approaching]
  • Juno: Oh, no. It's the Ratz.
  • Ku: What rats? Does this school have a rodent problem?
  • Juno: No, but those girls are definitely a problem. And the less time you spend with them, the better off you'll be.
  • Girl 1: Like, hi. I'm Natasha!
  • Girl 2 :And I'm, like, Zoe!
  • Girl 3: And I'm, like, Yolanda!
  • Girl 4: And, I'm, like Gem!  We say this because we see we have a new girl here at this school!
  • Ku: Ah, ah, ah! Stay back! I don't want your rabies!
  • Zoe: [laughs] You are, like, so hilarious!
  • Ku: I am?
  • Gem: Totally.
  • Natasha: I like your tan, did you spray it on, or did you burn your own skin?
  • Ku: I copied it off a picture.
  • Yolanda: Ooh! Imitating celebrity magazines! Nice choice!
  • Natasha: Here's our card [hands her a black card with white rhinestones that says "Ratz"] if you want to hang with the cool girls. We'll catch ya later!
  • [When they leave, Juno is about to warn Ku about them]
  • Juno: Ku, you don't want to have anything to do with them, ok?
  • Ku: Ok...
  • [some music comes from the card]
  • Ku: But the card plays such shimmery music! [Juno snatches the card]
  • Juno: Those girls are really mean and you should not be their friend!
  • Ku: They seem pretty nice to me.
  • Juno: Only because they're probably up to something. Now let's get to our first class.
  • Teacher: Tomorrow, we're going on a trip to the Aeronautic Museum, how exciting! [the class stays quiet] So be sure to give those letters to your parents.
  • Zoe: [leans in to whisper to Ku] Wanna hang with us after school? And maybe we'll ditch 4th period to go to the mall.
  • Ku: [out loud] We're going to watch people being torn limb from limb?!
  • Teacher: Is there something you'd like to share with the class, Miss...?
  • Juno: Miss Ku Raka! An exchange student from Hawaii!
  • Teacher: They never told me about an exchange student.
  • Juno: Must have lost the memo.
  • Zoe: Ku?
  • Natasha: Hawaii? Ooh La-la!
  • Teacher: I guess I can help you get accquainted with the class. Come up here, Miss Ku.
  • [Ku walks over to the front of the class]
  • Teacher: So, Ku, tell us about where you're from.

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